Wednesday, November 2, 2011

As I exit the SoCal poetry building, some random items to ponder.

True story: Years ago, I was offered a chance to sit down with then-L.A. Poetry Influence Richard Beban and still-OC Poetry Influence Steve Ramirez and I rejected it out of concern that it was going to be pressure on me to shut my mouth and stop being contrarian about poetry community matters.

True story #2: The other day, after posting my leaving-for-awhile announcement on Facebook, my hater club called TERRY McCARTY'S WAR AGAINST HUMANITY sent this message:
True story #3: In a backchannel conversation between still-L.A. Poetry Influence G. Murray Thomas and myself within the last year, Murray told me [in context of community acceptance] to "write better poetry."

I'd like to think that I've improved aesthetically over the past decade-and-a-third, even if certain people think otherwise and/or are tired of hearing whatever I write, say or think.

And the sad irony is that I started my "career" in poetry keeping my mouth shut, swallowing disappointment and believing (or trying to believe) just about everything the community says is right and proper.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Terry,

    I hope you get what you need from the break you take. I think, within any group of people, there will always be those individuals one clicks with and doesn't. It's the same when it comes to appreciating another's writing-we all enjoy different styles, etc.

    If you believe you've made positive changes in the last decade then you probably have. Don't look to people who have been "enemies" to validate the good you feel within. Some people change their minds easily, others keep fixed opinions and it probably doesn't matter what positive steps are taken- as their mind(s) won't change.

    No one is perfect. Sometimes it's best to keep away from any body or force that one feels is judging you harshly- so it sounds like a really healthy step in your life. When we make any (one, thing, group, etc.) our "deity" (feeling continual judgment while secretly hoping for acceptance), it's not a very comfortable or secure way to live. I hope you surround yourself with people who give love to you and inspire you to give them positive words and actions.

    Lastly, whoever made the site (although I assume they found it amusing, tongue in cheek, or "poetic justice") is being a bully. Whoever you are, your amusement isn't worth causing someone to further dwell- as clearly Terry is.

    Since you, Terry, have name names in your blog, they may also feel bullied... but I don't think your personal thoughts justify an anonymous blog devoted only to attempting to hurt or mock you. So: To whoever is doing/ writing it? It's immature and very passive aggressive. You (whoever you are) already know Terry's weakness... and that is that he obviously cares what you/ groups think about/of him. Why capitalize on someone's insecurity/ sensitivity, knowingly?

    Sorry, I'm not trying to insult within that characterization...

    Now, I like G. Murray Thomas, so all I can say about his comment is that every writer writes to the best of their ability at the time. It's a process and we all have egos. If you like what you write and find enjoyment in it, then it's beneficial. If no one was even to read what you wrote, would it still hold value in your eyes? Probably. If we write and spend too much energy hoping another will like it? It can be dangerous to our feeling of personal success.

    Your friends will always have more nice things to say about your writing then non-friends, as they are going into it with a pre-existing/ positive impression of you.

    Anyway, take care and don't let people you've had a rocky past with become your... higher power.

    Best of luck,