Poetry isn't just something done for fun/personal growth. After the events of the past year or so, I've learned that poetry should be treated as a job, where poets live in cubicles and Performance Evaluation looms every six months or so.
Since part-time poets sometimes tend to bring their corporate disciplines into their artistry, here are a few tips to enable you to make your stay at Poetry, Inc. a successful one.
1. NEVER CRITICIZE OTHER POETS' WORK HARSHLY. (actually, a rule that makes sense no matter what kind of poet you are-corporate or private citizen)
2. NEVER CRITICIZE A POET'S BEHAVIOR UNLESS ANOTHER POET IS WILLING TO DO SO. AND THEN, MAKE SURE THAT THE OTHER POET IS WELL-LIKED IN THE COMMUNITY BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING
IN AGREEMENT. (you don't want to risk being a pariah, do you?)
IN AGREEMENT. (you don't want to risk being a pariah, do you?)
3. GRAVITATE TOWARDS POETS "IN THE KNOW" WHENEVER POSSIBLE. DON'T DARE RISK CRITICISM FOR BEING "UNINFORMED". (remember, some cliques tend to treat information like gold-it's hoarded)
4. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO OBSEQUIOUS. (learn to love the taste of shoe leather)
5. NEAR-EXCLUSIVE SELF-PUBLICATION MEANS YOU'RE THE POETRY EQUIVALENT OF PINOCCHIO (Ani DiFranco self-creates, markets and distributes all of her work. Oh wait, she's a musician. Never mind).
6. UNQUESTIONINGLY SUPPORT A LOCAL OR REGIONAL POETRY FESTIVAL, EVEN IF IT NEVER LETS IN ANYONE BUT "THE RIGHT PEOPLE".
7. ENCOURAGE CULTS OF PERSONALITY WHEREVER POSSIBLE. POETS LOVE TO BE WORSHIPPED AND GIVEN FABULOUS POWERS OVER OTHER POETS. (this links to number 6)
8. ATTEND ONLY "THE RIGHT WORKSHOPS" (opt for paid ones over pro bono, unless pro bono ones exist at prestigious venues).
9. SUBMIT TO ONLY "THE RIGHT PUBLICATIONS" (why bother with local e-zines or regional books when you can have your work ridiculed by THE PARIS REVIEW?).
10. GO TO ONLY "THE RIGHT VENUES" (links to number 3, obviously).
Now, go forth and thrive in Poetry, Inc. Always keep your resume updated.
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