As you’ve probably heard by now, Donald Trump is forcing the military to throw him a giant parade on Thursday under the guise of celebrating the Fourth of July, because he witnessed France’s Bastille Day festivities in 2017 and demanded the same thing for himself, just bigger. There are a number of issues surrounding the event, including the millions it will cost, the fact that lots of troops are at home for the holiday and will have to return to D.C. to move and guard tanks, and the desire probably felt by many Americans to not have one of their favorite holidays tainted by association with Trump. Also: the fact that the aggro displaydemanded by the president may damage one of the most beloved monuments in Washington and cause a bridge to collapse, because the laws of physics are apparently trying to send a message about the dangers of having a narcissistic man-child in the White House.
According to the Washington Post, engineers have been examining the Lincoln Memorial—where Veruca Salt wants to give a speech flanked by military tanks—to “determine if the weight of stationing armored vehicles there would affect the Lincoln Memorial’s underground rooms,” after National Park Service officials warned that such a deployment could damage the site. While the symbolism of the Lincoln Memorial literally collapsing under the weight of Trump’s asinine display would be poetic, we can probably all agree that it would be better if the monument remained intact. Similarly, it would nice if the event didn’t cause a bridge to collapse, which it could!
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