New poem: 200 BAD POEMS FOR BILLY COLLINS

'Everybody is born with at least 200 bad poems in them. It's best to get rid of them
by college.' --Billy Collins

hello Billy

you don’t know me

but I read your recent comment

and bundled 200 of my poems,

leaving them at the bottom of your driveway

for potential evaluation

I’m aware of how hard it is

to be accepted by Academia--

particularly when you, Billy Collins,

write poems that are easy

for most people to understand

and, to a lot of poets,

it means you’re not trying hard enough

okay, I get it,

you made that 200 bad poems comment

to keep your credibility

with the poets eternally upset

over how you sell more books

than they ever will

also, there’s that desire for intellectual bragging rights

when you appear onstage with Paul Simon and Aimee Mann

and get super-duper-eager to claim your poems

as existing on an equal plane to their lyrics

so go on, Billy,

keep talking about how elevated you are

and how bad all the beginners are

plus all the self-educated poets

like Adam Driver’s Paterson

(in the movie of the same name )

of course, they’re bad too

because they choose not to publish

or share their art

through accepted channels

with people like you

so, here are my 200 poems

destined to enter your blue recycling can

without even a glance at my cover letter

as you regret your long-ago misstep

of criticizing MFA programs

during one of your book tours,

believing this outburst of candor

about homogenized poetry

led to amateur me

annoying distinguished you