forgive us because we didn’t think
didn’t want to find out why you did it
instead we went along with the crowd’s anger
over how dare you question infallibility
>
some of us (myself included) were such cowards
returned your albums to used music stores
didn’t want to be reminded of non-music discourse
not realizing disturbing peace was vital to you and your art
the 15-year-old boy with heightened emotions
now the 63-year-old man calmly seeing an oncologist
infused, injected, transplanted, revived
taking medication, getting sleepy, hoping for days outdoors
>
looking back at the girl I thought I loved at 15
lying to myself about how I could have been her ideal
imagining all sorts of happy alternate universes
in this one: didn’t listen, never gained her trust, never was a confidant
>
taught to fear, warned to avoid, harangued to PAY ATTENTION
in spite of this, eventually thought for myself,
and was blessed/burned by consequences
at 63, want more years before affairs must become ordered
