keep your mind turned off
relax and breathe maskless air
it’s the burning season followed
by the less cold than usual season
don’t believe those educated pessimists
don’t worry about within and without
just help us keep punching others for you
so you won’t have to think about
how much we take away
and how often we laugh behind your back
remember, loser and sucker,
you’re voting for the color of our dreams
be mindful of your aging friends/as they repeat all the things their parents and grandparents once said/know when to leave the room permanently when they won’t change/talking about lies and Trump and people who are smug because they know more than they do and global warming being a hoax and Black Antifa building public housing next door and again Trump and Joe Biden being the demon from THE OMEN shape-shifted into an old man and Trump again again as the straight-talking savior who kicks liberals to the ground makes them cry then tears out their balls in a way Ted Cruz would approve of
as you leave the room permanently/remind the people who are no longer your friends/how Ted Cruz had to lose his balls to support Trump in 2016/and that they are racists urinating toxins into the American bloodstream/and these toxins kill as deadly as COVID
don’t smell their smoke anymore/leave the damn room and drive and keep driving
hello Kenosha Wisconsin
stop assuming everyone Black is an armed criminal
tell the teen and adult vigilantes to go home or be arrested
remove the handcuffs and the leg irons from the severely wounded
and, above all, tell Donald Trump the following:
yes, you’re the President, but you don’t denounce the violence
of your followers and your presence here is unnecessary
and potentially inflammatory
thank you for reading this and giving it some thought
a concerned American who votes
Now available on Scribd in document form: https://www.scribd.com/document/472173443/Rites-of-the-Covid-19-Spring
but heeees my freeeeeennndddd say the female comics
it is hard out there if you want to be funny
bomb away on the open mics
eventually get paid a little bit
others get jealous
say you’re not all that good
the resentment you suck up
gets spit out in your standup set
those pain in the ass kids and women
who want you to pull focus from career career career
eventually you’re around long enough
people think you’re commenting on bile
when you’re just regurgitating it
here, female colleague, watch me wank
look at this as comedy fraternity hazing
damn this #MeToo stuff
made you shelve your movie
costs one million dollars in lost TV
you’ll do new act attacking correctness
drop in unannounced
keep the press from spoiling the set
wait long enough, someone will write
you’re aware of what you’ve done to be diminished
when you still think you’ve been screwed
by pious people who don’t understand
comedy is letting your demons wank
onto the audience in the same way
you once wanked on people who,
if they stood up to you,
would see their careers go into the tank
but heeeees my frieeeennnnnddd
says the male comic who used some of his
standup special time to middle-finger your accusers
comedy, as practiced by some, is not pretty
it’s the fastball whizzing past your head
it’s the punch smashing your testicles
it’s the emcee saying you’re going to get fucked with
it’s the joke that, too many times, leaves a stain
that can never come out, no matter how much you scrub
