but heeees my freeeeeennndddd say the female comics
it is hard out there if you want to be funny
bomb away on the open mics
eventually get paid a little bit
others get jealous
say you’re not all that good
the resentment you suck up
gets spit out in your standup set
those pain in the ass kids and women
who want you to pull focus from career career career
eventually you’re around long enough
people think you’re commenting on bile
when you’re just regurgitating it
here, female colleague, watch me wank
look at this as comedy fraternity hazing
damn this #MeToo stuff
made you shelve your movie
costs one million dollars in lost TV
you’ll do new act attacking correctness
drop in unannounced
keep the press from spoiling the set
wait long enough, someone will write
you’re aware of what you’ve done to be diminished
when you still think you’ve been screwed
by pious people who don’t understand
comedy is letting your demons wank
onto the audience in the same way
you once wanked on people who,
if they stood up to you,
would see their careers go into the tank
but heeeees my frieeeennnnnddd
says the male comic who used some of his
standup special time to middle-finger your accusers
comedy, as practiced by some, is not pretty
it’s the fastball whizzing past your head
it’s the punch smashing your testicles
it’s the emcee saying you’re going to get fucked with
it’s the joke that, too many times, leaves a stain
that can never come out, no matter how much you scrub
