So there's someone I respect (not mentioning his name here) in the Orange County community who's been posting mementoes of past poetry events/people who featured at earlier readings of his. Some of these old flyers go back to years before I joined the scene in 1998--and it's fascinating to read the names and count the active and inactive poets, and wish I had been part of things about three or four years earler (if just as audience).
Noticed that the one article he wrote about me for an alternapaper, plus a photo of me taken after a reading of his (with a co-featured poet) are missing. Obviously, he's selecting what he thinks are the best of the lot.
Once upon a time, another Orange County poetry host named Steve Ramirez (after our falling out, if memory is correct) told me that, in effect, I was in the middle of the poetry spectrum--not bad and not great.
Even considering my tendencies towards outspokenness, I can't help but think that my absence from some prominent poets' versions of Memory Lane is something I could see coming for years now. Whether it's due to being Not Good Enough or Insufficiently Social enough I don't know. But no one can say that I haven't been supportive of others--past or present--though.
And all of this, for better or worse, is giving me sufficient preparation for post-death obscurity.