New Poem: HELLO TIMES PAST

walk happy through shopping mall

new vinyl-and-nylon marching band letter jacket

maybe she’ll notice, offer a compliment

oh no, she’s not at department store job

it’s too early to go home

no movies starting soon

walk to Disc Records

flip past albums and 8-track tapes

three male classmates come up and say

they’re tired of me because

my grades are too good

and their parents hold me up

as some kind of role model

one of them slaps me

in the back of the head

(no one else in the store notices)

before telling me I need to fail

at least one test

to take the heat off of them

then he calls me “damn queer”

before they strut away

it’s only junior year

PSATs are coming soon

if scores are good,

maybe I can think of going to college

that’s at least a hundred miles away

from this hell

that rarely stops being fresh

New poem: HE PREFERRED A DECEASED ME

long ago

when I was contrarian

on a social network,

someone said:

Terry’s death

can't come

soon enough

no one objected

or gave him the chance to,

as the young people say now,

“walk it back”

or allow him to wear

the rhetorical fig leaf of

"it was just a figure of speech"

instead, there was the odor

of everyday cowardice

where people group their friends

like poetry submissions:

A, B, C, D, F

(with pluses and minuses if necessary)

few people want to cope with

lingering moral stress

it’s the equivalent of

faded yellow anti-perspirant stains

on a favorite shirt

Former actor Jake Lloyd: The infinity loop of being bullied, acting out and being bullied again.

From a year ago, when Jake Lloyd (forever known as child Anakin Skywalker from STAR WARS I: THE PHANTOM MENACE) was arrested for reckless driving.

https://aflickeringlife.wordpress.com/2015/06/22/on-jake-lloyd-and-the-scars-of-bullying/

A particularly resonant passage:

I understand the scars bullying leaves on victims. Bullying destroys your self esteem. It shatters your ability to trust others. Everybody is suspicious in your eyes after years of the treatment. Anxiety disorders are common after the fact. Depression is a lock. Self destruction? It almost inevitably follows for many. Sadly literal self destruction is common.

Here's an update to Jake Lloyd's story:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/movies/star-wars-actor-jake-lloyd-moved-psychiatric-facility-article-1.2595377

On Twitter, "lazypadawan" wrote the following:
Jake Lloyd deserves the same compassion and deference accorded to Carrie Fisher. Lloyd had even less resources/support.

Another Twitter post, unfortunately, opted for more mockery. Here's Tyler Parrish being a public ass:

Jake Lloyd from Phantom Menace has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I'm assuming the voices he hears belong to movie critics. #StarWars

Too ironic not to share: RADIUS online journal seeks submissions re series on bullying.

Reprinting this from the RADIUS website (http://radiuslit.org) for your edification:
Radius is currently seeking poems and essays for a special series on Art, Bullying and Culture.
“Bullying” has long been a part of the cultural conversation, but it turned deadly serious in 2010 with the suicides of several teenagers who were bullied for being or being thought to be homosexual. The outcry was enormous and wide-ranging, from several attempts to pass “anti-bullying” legislation, to journalist Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project, to responses in poems and pop songs.
It’s 2013, and whether anything has changed  remains an open question.
Radius is looking for poems and essays that pick apart the question of bullying, and which look at it through the frame of the journal’s mission: How art works, and how it interacts with the world.
We’re looking for poems that put a human spin on the phenomenon, essays that illustrate the role of bullying in the creative process, and examinations of what effects the conversation has had on the culture.
While Radius is primarily dedicated to poetry, essays do not need be exclusively about that particular art form, but should probably have an arts component. We might, for example, be interested in a non-ironic essay on Taylor Swift’s “Mean” or Katy Perry’s “Firework.” We would also be extremely interested in brief memoirs from artists of any discipline who may have been bullied, and how that effected their artistic paths. As always, we’re open.
The deadline for submission is Midnight Friday, March 15, 2013. To submit, please visit our submissions manager, and use the word “Bullying” in the title.
Thanks, and we look forward to hearing your perspective,
Victor D. Infante
Editor-In-Chief
Radius: Poetry From the Center to the Edge

Here's my perspective on bullying--starting with a re-quote of something the Editor-In-Chief Victor Infante wrote to me years ago (taken from a previous post titled NAME OMITTED AND THE UNDERBELLY OF POETRY):
"First off, I'm sorry I called you a jerk. I was out of line, and for that, I genuinely apologize. On the other hand, I'm not going to apologize for not paying more attention to you, and it's glaringly obvious that's what this little tantrum has been about. [prominent poet, now MIA from the scene] didn't pay attention to you. I didn't pay attention to you. Wah, wah, wah.Grow up, Terry. If you've got problems with the poetry scene, do something about it. Start your own readings, start a festival. Publish a journal or Web zine. Whatever, but stop acting like a baby because you don't get the attention you deserve and others do. You're right, it's not a level playing field, and you don't get points for just being there. You've actually got to do something well. Writing well would be a start. I DO remember your chapbook. I still have it, in the piles of several hundred that I dutifully carried with me cross-country when I moved. Terry, it was dull. Very dull. Not bad, but there was little of interest going on there. I don't recall if I had read it yet when I saw you in Redondo, but even if I had, I doubt I would have said much. What was I supposed to say? "Sorry, it bored me to tears." But as I recall, it took me awhile to get around to it, because, even now, I get a ton of chapbooks very month. I've not thrown one away, and I try to read them all, but no, I can't review them, and I really had nothing consequential to say about it, for good or bad. As to my "wisdom would be something of value," Whatever. I don't recall volunteering to be your mentor, and while I've taught poetry in high schools and colleges, I don't recall you being in any of my classes. The sad fact is, Terry, I thought you were a nice guy,and always tried to be friendly to you, but no, I didn't care much for your writing. Would you have preferred that I said that? I can't see what good that would have done. It's not like I walked out of the room when you were on the microphone. Maybe you've gotten better, I don't know.You can have whatever opinions you want, Terry, and you can have whatever opinions you want about me, but the fact is, you're not the one out there doing the work, and if you've made any serious effort to BE the one out there doing the work, I'm sorry, but I don't recall it. [name omitted]."

For better or worse, Name Omitted's letter has been an impetus for me to carry on as a poet over the last half-decade. I've learned a few things since then (and have to learn a few more), but I hope I never sink to the depths of writing to someone else who sends me a book or poem with the condescending, dimissive tone of what Name Omitted dictated above.

More than one definition of bullying, apparently.

Quoting Emily Bazelon (her byline can often be found on the SLATE website) in THE NEW YORK TIMES (in context of an op-ed article on how wide the definition of bullying should be):
"The definition of bullying adopted by psychologists is physical or verbal abuse, repeated over time, and involving a power imbalance. In other words, it’s about one person with more social status lording it over another person, over and over again, to make him miserable."

Over the past half-dozen years, I've been told that commenting about certain people on this blog (primarily residents of the poetry community) more than once in a critical fashion is bullying.

I wrote blog posts on people with greater social and professional status than I using their status in jerky/unprofessional/unkind-to-people-below-their-station ways.

But is this just as valid a definition of bullying as Ms. Bazelon's quote above?

Or is it merely a way to silence opinion voiced in public?

9 Signs There’s an Office Bully in Your Midst | OnlineMBA

Thanks to Becky Celestine for forwarding this article.  Of course, this can also apply to non-traditional
workplaces such as poetry and literary communities.


9 Signs There’s an Office Bully in Your Midst | OnlineMBA

Literary Workplace Bullying Part 3

In addition to posting the previous two Wikipedia excerpts, here's a coda:
If one says something negative or critical about someone in a group who is highly valued by a majority of its members, there are usually plenty of people to come to the aid of the person they feel has been wronged.  This can run from simple disagreement to outright adult bullying (innuendo, anonymous online posts, making statements like "he's the type of person who might beat his spouse" etc.).

In short, people with less power are often heavily criticized (and, ironically, called bullies themselves) if they say something about people with more power--also known as the "There's Nothing Wrong With The Emperor's Clothes!  You're Mistaken!" syndrome.

I'm far from perfect.  As the writer of this blog, I've been guilty of calling out certain poeterati by name if I've felt that they've been snobbish, rude or overly exclusionary--behavior that's both hurtful and severe in limiting the opening of the community to new, developing talent. 

Sometimes, I've engaged in the call-out habit too much.  In one case, I gave someone an unflattering nickname--a practice I stopped when the person complained about it to me privately.

But I've at least avoided saying anything about people's personal lives.  My focus, when writing on poetry-related topics, stays on what people value as poets and how they define concepts such as "leadership" and "good poetry."

Literary workplace bullying Part 2

Morr from the Wikipedia bullying article (with highlighting of some statements)--Of typical bystanders Often bullying takes place in the presence of a large group of relatively uninvolved bystanders. In many cases, it is the bully's ability to create the illusion that he or she has the support of the majority present that instills the fear of 'speaking out' in protestation of the bullying activities being observed by the group. Unless the 'bully mentality' is effectively challenged in any given group in its earlier stages, it often becomes an accepted norm within the group.[48] [49] In such groups where the 'bully mentality' has been allowed to become a dominant factor in the group environment, a steady stream of injustices and abuses often becomes a regular and predictable group experience. Such a toxic environment often remains as the status-quo of the group for an extended period of time, until somehow the bullying-cycle should eventually come to an end. Bystanders to bullying activities are often unable to recognize the true cost that silence regarding the bullying activities has to both the individual and to the group. A certain inability to fully empathize is also usually present in the typical bystander, but to a lesser degree than in the bully. The reversal of a 'bully mentality' within a group is usually an effort which requires much time, energy, careful planning, coordination with others, and usually the undertaking of a certain 'risk'. It is the general unwillingness of bystanders to expend these types of energies and to undertake these types of risks that bullies often rely upon in order to maintain their monopolies of power. Until or unless at least one individual who has at least some abilities to work with others, opts to expend whatever energies may be needed to reverse the 'bully mentality' of the group, the 'bully mentality' is often perpetuated within a group for months, years, or even decades.[50] [51] Bystanders who have been able to establish their own 'friendship group' or 'support group' have been found to be far more likely to opt to speak out against bullying behavior than those who have not.[52] [53] Intervention Despite the large number of individuals that do not agree with bullying practices, there are very few that will intervene on behalf of the victim. These individuals are labeled bystanders and unfortunately usually tend to lean toward the bully’s side. In 85% of bullying incidents, bystanders are involved in teasing the victim or egging on the bully.[54] However, in most bullying incidents, bystanders usually do nothing. If the bully faces no obstruction from the people around, it gives permission to continue behaving badly.[55] There are a wide variety of reasons why children choose not to intervene. Typically, they worry that they will make the situation worse or risk becoming the next victim, due to the fear that children experience as the bystanders, which is a direct cause of the decline of anti-bullying attitudes. This points to the urgency for a better understanding of children’s attitudes to bullying and the factors that seem to predict these attitudes.[54] Researchers have been analyzing the just-world belief theory to help understand the decline of anti-bullying attitudes. "This is the idea that people get what they deserve and deserve what they get." The study determined that children do seek to understand, justify, and rectify the different injustices they come across in everyday life. However, further research is needed to link the two together.[54]

Bullying in the literary workplace Part 1

After seeing the uneven-but enlightening documentary BULLY, I consulted the Wikipedia page on bullying, since a fair amount of it takes place in adulthood. Here's a relevant-to-me paragraph: He also suggests that social aggression or indirect bullying is characterized by attempting to socially isolate the victim. This isolation is achieved through a wide variety of techniques, including spreading gossip, refusing to socialize with the victim, bullying other people who wish to socialize with the victim, and criticizing the victim's manner of dress and other socially-significant markers (including the victim's race, religion, disability, sex, or sexual preference, etc.). Ross[20] outlines other forms of indirect bullying which are more subtle and more likely to be verbal, such as name calling, the silent treatment, arguing others into submission, manipulation, gossip/false gossip, lies, rumors/false rumors, staring, giggling, laughing at the victim, saying certain words that trigger a reaction from a past event, and mocking. The UK based children's charity, Act Against Bullying, was set up in 2003 to help children who were victims of this type of bullying by researching and publishing coping skills.

One definition of bullying.

I found the following sentence in the comments section of a website devoted to activism:
"To anyone reading this -- if ANYONE screams at you or is in your face telling you what to do or calling you names, ignore him or call him out for bullying."

In my lifetime, I've been bullied by people; most often, it's been in school/work situations where the options are to either take it as unemotionally as possible or object (even if it's done in a deferential way) and risk being fired/expelled.

And sometimes, I've been on the other side of the fence and have committed one or more of ths sins listed
in the above quote (there are those who may say I've engaged in "telling you what to do" and "calling you names" on this blog).  As a response to certain things I may have said/done, I've been treated to "ignore him" and "call him out for bullying"--not to forget the occasional flare of anonymous commentary here and elsewhere.

While blogging, I've generally tried to adhere to the approach of criticizing people for things they do professionally (even when there are occasions when my and others' interpretations can be very personal). 

I'm trying a bit harder to restrain myself from name-calling (though I made an exception in reviving the George Butch Jr. nickname for George W. Bush in a recent post).

In a poetry-related context, bullying often is used as a show of standards-and-values endorsement.  And it tends to take the form of "let's-run-him-or-her-out-of-the-community."

Whatever sins I've committed, I try really really hard to avoid that one.