OC poet Steve Ramirez and my going-on-five-years banishment from Orange's Ugly Mug.

There are many colorful tales in show business of personalities being 86ed from various venues for behavior or opinions contrary to management.

These include: Andrew Dice Clay's alleged disbarment from Ben Frank's coffee shop on the Sunset Strip (now a Mel's Drive-In), Dick Shawn's incurring of Johnny Carson's wrath when Shawn, guest-hosting THE TONIGHT SHOW, turned over Carson's desk on-camera to use it as a prop for a Washington-crossing-the-Delaware routine and Kathy Griffin being forbidden as a guest on THE VIEW for being Kathy Griffin.

I wish my tale of banishment could be a bit more colorful and extravagant. But, it isn't. It's a small tale of how one bad incident on my part unraveled roughly four-and-a-half years of acquaintanceship--and how the offended party has first justly responded, then flagrantly overreacted in the years since.

Once upon a time, I got along with Steve Ramirez--along with Ben Trigg, one of the two hosts of the TWO IDIOTS PEDDLING POETRY reading series in Orange (located at the Ugly Mug coffeehouse just a few blocks from Chapman University). I even featured there two to three times and, when we were both in Austin for the 2001 AIPF poetry festival, I gave Steve a ride in my rented car. Back then, Steve was nice to me and vice versa.

And then, for awhile, I didn't get down to OC to attend Ugly Mug readings. When I did, it seemed like Steve (who desired respect and parity with the Orange County poetry elite) got a somewhat swelled head and was a bit more distant with me.

To shorten this long story, I misbehaved at the Ugly Mug. I was primarily upset with something dismissive Steve said about me during the reading (which I probably set myself up for). And, after the reading, I couldn't contain my anger and wanted to talk to Steve. He didn't want any kind of conversation with me. I opted for the reaction of yelling at him. Mistake--especially considering some OC and LA Prominent Poets were still in the room. I walked out of the Ugly Mug, followed by the venue owner. The owner and I had words(one of mine fell into the David Mamet category)--and I was told to never come back.

This was nearly five years ago, in the late summer/early fall of 2004. Since then, I've tried to avoid adverse public behavior and have been mostly successful. On a handful of occasions, I've written Steve and asked to return. At first, he would shrug and say "it's up to [venue owner]." And I did write to the venue owner. No dice. As years passed, Steve would respond in a slightly more active-agressive "I wish you wouldn't come back/bother me about this" way.

And I took the hint and have left this subject alone.

But, as the five-year mark rolls around, I just want to go ahead and make my feelings public; I just don't care anymore about the inherent ridiculousness of Steve Ramirez' (plus the venue owner's) determination to hold on to his anger and wariness into infinity and beyond.

I've done my best to atone. Since 2004, I've accomplished a few good things in poetry--including being chosen as part of a publication reading this coming Saturday. And, to put it concisely, I don't care to enter the Ugly Mug for the rest of my life, regardless of whether Two Idiots Peddling Poetry or anyone else happen to host there.

I prefer self-respect instead.